Can weaning make you lose all your patience, as well as your milk? Or have I turned into A Mom Who Yells? Shit.

I kind of what to hang an inspirational poster in my bathroom to pump me up in the mornings. How about one that says “Make Shit Happen”? I know. I’m hilarious, and you want me to open an Etsy shop.

H is making me help him do a “house purge.” Every night we pick one room and organize the shit out of it. H has already made at least three trips to Goodwill with all the stuff we’re getting rid of. And you should see how many trash bags worth of stuff we have thrown out and/or piled up in our kitchen to throw out. The top floor of our house looks awesome. The rest of the house… does not. I am so tired of the Purge, but H is making me continue. I know the results will be amazing. I just don’t want to do the work.

We are hosting a play date with two other families at our house on Sunday, so hopefully the Purge is a little bit (ok, a lot) farther along by then. We have to host due to child-related health issues vaguely described above. Oh, God. We are looking at years of asking a million questions before our kid can go to anyone’s house and sending an epipen with him everywhere. I know this is extremely far from the worst thing that could happen, but it still scares me.

I am doing so well at making local friends. Go, me! I am in a bunco group that meets once a month, and I am friends with two moms from our daycare. Ok, I was going to go on about this, but it is too lame, even for me, and I wrote about a motivational shit poster.

My time in the mothers’ room is up. Peace out!

I went back to TJ Maxx/HomeGoods on Saturday to return the mirror that was too big, and they didn’t have the frames I liked from my visit last weekend. But they had some art I liked much better, and I think it looks great.

The store had some more nice jewelry, and I saw some necklaces that I thought Andrea might like. I was going to send her a picture but then realized I had left my phone in the car. I had Ren with me so didn’t want to run out and get it. Ren and I didn’t have a lot of time to shop, and I forgot to get the towels I wanted to get. H took Ren to the Mall of America this afternoon, so after Ree woke up from her nap this afternoon, I went back to the store. I basically tweeted out the whole jewelry case and bought stuff for my Twitter friends. Apparently no one else has the same great selection as my store does. What what!

You might think store employees would look at you like, “Hey, why the hell are you taking photos of a quarter of the jewelry counter, crazy lady?” But no. The people who worked at the jewelry counter seemed to have lost the will to live. I tried to joke with them and be friendly, but they were not interested. They preferred to remain sullen at all times. The employees in other parts of the store, however, did look at me like I was a crazy person, which is fine. I kind of was a crazy person.

Too bad for my Twitter friends, I didn’t offer to buy the best thing they had there. It was only $3.99, and it’s going in my kitchen.

I couldn’t find a small tablecloth. I think I may just get a new table that doesn’t require a tablecloth and is also sturdy.

I got some new sheets. Yay.

And I found a good selection of mirrors. The new use for the iPhone was sending photos of the selections to H to get his opinion. Here were the options.

Dear lady in the white coat, sorry for putting a picture of your butt on the Internet.

Anyway, that last mirror was my favorite, and H said he liked it, so done and done!

But then I brought it home, and h and I both think it might be too big for the spot. What do you think? Should we return it and go with a different choice? Maybe mirror #3?

Another reason to love my iPhone: I can show you guys all these pictures too! Pretend to be thrilled.

So the store was full of great stuff today. I bought 3 pairs of pjs for Ree. I saw some really cool lamps for $30 each. There were some framed abstract prints I considered buying but decided against since I was already buying so much.

I never look at the jewelry but decided to today to see if they had anything good for a Crappy Day Present. and they did! They had a whole bunch of Kate Spade jewelry, Lucky Brand jewelry, Michael Kors watches, and more. I bought something for a CDP that I’m not going to show here so that it’s a surprise. And I bought these earrings, which I’m still not sure whether I’m going to keep or give as a gift.

Finally, I bought this clear Kate Spade necklace, which is my new favorite piece of jewelry at the moment.

And my iPhone is also my lovah because I am writing this post from Ren’s bedroom, where he is still awake. Yes, it is 10:30. He napped today. We may not be letting him do that again. On the other hand, when Ree fell asleep at 9:15, it seemed positively early.

The pediatrician talked to me a minute about strep before she looked at Ren and noticed his breathing. Once she noticed it, she switched into Serious Professional Mode. (Before she had been in Routine Hurty Throat Mode.) she said we were going to do test one, then test two, then a breathing treatment with a nebulizer. Depending on the results of everything, Ren might need to go to the hospital. I said ok.

The doctor said, “You’re being very calm about this.”

I said, “Freaking out isn’t going to make him better. And we need to do whatever it takes to make him better, so if he needs to go to the hospital, that’s what we’ll do.”

She replied, “That’s a good attitude.” But I think she may have written in Ren’a file that the mother is a sociopath.

But really, what was I going to do? I had two kids to take care of. I had to be calm in order to keep them calm. And I’m not going to freak out before we even know if Ren has to go to the hospital. I’m not a Premature Freaker Outer.

Anyway, the tests came back ok, and Ren was breathing normally after the nebulizer treatment. The pediatrician then told me that Ren’s breathing had been so bad she was shocked that the treatment worked. Oh! I had no idea it was that bad because I had nothing to compare it too and because Ren had been happy and goofy after his initial crying jag.

Meanwhile, I had called H from the doctor’s office to tell him to meet us there. He didn’t get the message right away because the voicemail system on his phone wasn’t working. When he got the message, he was in the grocery store post-workout, still wearing his gym clothes, and he just left his cart with stuff in it in the middle of the aisle and rushed to the doctor’s office.

Anyway, we had to do one more nebulizer treatment at home Thursday night, but he has been totally fine since then. It is really odd. We have a follow up appointment this week, so hopefully we will know more after that. I’m not going to worry until I know what to worry about.

Have you been to Nassau? Do you have any recommendations for things we should do? What should I wear? I need specific suggestions!

Oooo… I also really want new cosmetic bags. I’m still using the one my aunt and uncle gave me for Christmas when I was eleven. ELEVEN. I AM THIRTY-TWO.

And flip flops! Who has flip flops they like that are good for long walks? Anyone?

Well, this post is certainly making me feel douchey. Help me buy things for my trip to the Carribean. La dee da.

The end.

Yesterday I left work early to clean the house. H came home at the regular time, after stopping to get the kids from daycare.

At 6:15, the doorbell rang. It was the toddler teacher from daycare. H was very confused. I told him to go up to our room and open the boxes on the bed to find something to wear; I has left his birthday presents (two sweaters) on the bed for him to unwrap.

He was still very confused. While he was getting dressed, I talked to the babysitter about bedtimes and all that good stuff. Sidenote: having the daycare teacher babysit was awesome. The kids already know her, and she already knows them. She put Ren down for a nap 5 days a week for over a year, so she knows all the bedtime tricks. The kids listen to her! It is great. End sidenote.

H and I got in the car. I told him to drive to St Paul. As we got closer, I told him the address, and he realized we were going to a Japanese restaurant/sushi bar. When we walked into the restaurant, another couple we are friends with was waiting for us.

We had a really great dinner, and H really enjoyed his surprises. He has already requested his present for next year: a car mural.

This morning there was one more surprise waiting for him: I’m pregnant. Hahahahaha. NO. That would be more of a national nightmare than a present. Actually, there was new coat in the coat closet for him. Much better.

Happy birthday, H! I love you!

First H and I celebrated Christmas on our own with the kids on the 24th. Ree seemed to like her presents. Ren was so appreciative of everything he received and so full of joy that we had a really great morning.

H gave me a nice case for the camera I got this Fall. I love it. It was a very thoughtful gift.

I kept H’s gifts a secret by wrapping them and writing on them that they were for Ree. Yay for successful surprises! I gave him some collections of James Bond movies.

The daycare teachers, coworkers, nieces, nephews, and in-laws all really seemed to like the gifts we gave them. I am so happy. It really thrills me to pick out good gifts for people.

I am grateful for my happy, healthy family.
I am grateful for fun friends.
I am grateful for a job that I enjoy and that suits my skills and personality.
I am grateful for warmish weather at Christmas time.
I am grateful for blogs I like to read, and the occasional one I like to get mad at.
I am grateful for my hair stylist Maggie, who is relatively inexpensive and who I can just tell, “Do whatever you want.”
I am grateful for the daycare teachers who watch my kids and teach them and like them almost as much as I do.
I am grateful for my iPhone. Especially so that I can play on the Internet while at the farm.
I am grateful for Diet Dr Pepper.

I have a short neck, so I can’t wear shirts with high collars. Annoying.

I am at work today.

I am so effing tired of pumping at work.

I am so effing tired in general. My kids are not sleeping through the night. And Ren usually wakes up before 7. And and and Ree sometimes doesn’t go to bed until 10 pm.

Our house is a pit. I need to clean just so I don’t have to strategically do lots of really, really tight close ups when I take photos of the kids opening presents.

H never wraps the presents he gives me. I want the fun of opening a present too, dammit.

We have to make two 3+ hour car trips with two children this weekend. And then two more even longer trips next week.

H has been sick the last few days, and I have had really bad headaches.

Some of the packages I sent last week haven’t arrived at their destinations yet, which worries me.

I like my newish boots, but they don’t work with the pants that I bought them to go with.

I need to wear a bathing suit in 7 weeks, but I feel fat.

Getting the kids to nap and sleep at night at my in-laws is next to impossible, so we will all be cranky and out of sorts.

And now pumping time is over. What what.

Let’s say something nice about H for a change from last week. We went out to dinner, and H left a tip the same size as our bill as a surprise holiday gift for our waiter.

What else would you like to know? Christmas cards and packages have been mailed. Yay! I gave my coworkers and the daycare teachers their presents already because I am trying to get stuff out of my house. And I was excited to give them their presents. Whatever. Check that stuff off the list.

We went crazy on the amount of gifts we got Ren, and I’m kind of annoyed with myself because he would have been just as happy with half the number of gifts. But he is so fun to shop for! Too many presents- I realize this is not really a problem.

I am feeling kind of down, but I don’t know whether it’s due to normal stress or lack of sleep or whether I need an adjustment of my ppd meds. Ugh. Maybe I just need more caffeine.

I don’t know how to add a photo here. So just pretend there is a picture of me here that I took stealthily in front of a life-size nativity scene. I am a nativity ninja.

Ok I figured out how to add photos, but now I can’t find my nativity photo. Instead, please enjoy this photo of me looking surprised that I can’t find my nativity photo.

I bought presents for all the daycare teachers months ago. But as I was wrapping and labeling them tonight, I realized that because they added teachers in the last couple of weeks, I am now two presents short. Great. So ten daycare teachers are getting necklaces that are similar though not identical, and two teachers are getting earrings I had bought for other people but have now been repurposed as daycare teacher presents.

Twelve daycare teacher presents. Yes. I know it’s ridiculous. But Ree has three morning teachers and three afternoon teachers. Ren was in the toddler room from January through October, so I think the toddler teachers deserve presents. And Ren moved into the preschool room in November, so I need to give something to the preschool teachers too. Oh my God, you guys. It is a lot of presents.

So I feel like I am single-handedly making Christmas happen. I buy all the presents, I buy all the stocking stuffers, I take the photos for the card, I design and order the card, I address all the cards, I made a cool display board to hang all the cards we receive from others, I wrap all the presents, I mail everything so that it gets to the recipients on time, I stay up way too late every night in December. I brought up all the decorations and put them around the house, and I will be the one to take them down and put them all away.

H did put up the tree and do all the lights and almost all of the ornaments and put the star on top. H bought lights this year for the outside of the house and put them up. They’re only half done and he hasn’t hooked up an extension cord so that we can actually turn them on or anything, but they’re up, and that was a difficult job, especially considering how cold it has been. H also bought a bunch of presents for Ren and Ree tonight.

You know, I LIKE taking the Christmas card photo, designing the cards, and going through all the addresses to figure out who to send them to. I like wrapping the presents so that they all look nice under the tree. I like shopping and finding presents. I don’t know that I want to give any of that up. I like controlling all that stuff.

Ok, I’ve figured out what I want. I want H to help me wrap presents, and I want him to care what the wrapping looks like. I want the wrapped presents to look nice. And I want H to take at least some of the packages to the post office and mail them. Is that too much to ask? I think H would say that wrapping doesn’t matter, so he’s not going to spend time doing it. And I get that. You just throw wrapping paper away. Who cares! But I think it’s nice to present people with a beautiful-ish package. I think it’s fun. I don’t know. I don’t think it’s fair to ask H to care about something that he doesn’t care about. If wrapping is too much for me, I need to figure something else out. Start wrapping in November or something. Ugh. I don’t know.

Aren’t you glad you read this? I know H isn’t.

I am excited for Christmas. I want Christmas to be over.

Quick, -R-, hit publish before you change your mind and delete this whole thing.