As I was reading the comments to my last post (about having friends watch your kids), I remembered that my friend who said she would never watch someone else’s kid told me a long time ago that she and her husband didn’t go out without their daughter for the first year of her life, even though she has a sister in town who she could have asked to watch her kid. So I’m just going to decide we’re very different parents, and leave it at that. And also, I’m glad most of you were on my side. Even when friends volunteer to watch Ren, I still hate to impose.
When I was going into the doctor all the time to assess my PPD, she asked if there was anyone I could leave the baby with for just an hour or two during the day if I needed to. I said no because all my friends work. I added, “Not that I have anything against staying at home!” My doctor laughed. (I also later asked my doctor if I could take Sudafed while breastfeeding because I didn’t want to accidentally create a meth baby.” I am inappropriate with my doctor.) The point of this story is that I don’t have stay-at-home friends, nor do I have neighborhood friends. So I am working on it. I signed up for a website for local moms, and I’m going to a playdate a few blocks away tomorrow night. I’m also still stalking the woman a few houses away from me. And I’m just trying to be more social lately. It’s actually nice to be more social. I used to go out a lot before I had kids, and now I am too much of a loner homebody (well, as loner as you can be if your husband is home too). So wish me luck that the playdate goes well and that I don’t have to make small talk with a bunch of weirdos.
Speaking of saying in appropriate things, I was talking to the same VP to whom I once accidentally made a “tossing the salad” comment, and I was telling him about a bachelorette party I was invited to. Already inappropriate, correct? What is wrong with me?! Anyway, I said, “Instead of going to a strip club, we just went out to dinner and drinks. I preferred just going to dinner and drinks.” Why did I even have to mention strippers? That is totally irrelevant! Aargh.
I once made an off-the-cuff joke involving porn sites and my boss’s son. To my boss. My boss was a judge. An older, very formal, very correct, did-not-find-porn-funny judge. She lunged over her desk and threw a stapler at me, then gave me a 20 minute lecture (with the door open to the entire office) about what a “terrible, horrible” (those words were used) person I was. That went beyond “inappropriate” and went into “career-limiting move” territory.
I assure you, it could be worse.
My in laws were here for dinner once and my son was helping them mix up the salad and my mother in law kept saying over and over ‘toss that salad’ and various other comments. My husband and I had to leave the room to keep from laughing.
I love that you are branching out and being more social – mainly because it’s so hard for ME, and I admire people who can do it. Good luck! I hope you find some wonderful friends.
I so need to be more social. Except my best friend who lives 3 hours away, I don’t have any mom friends! All my friends are younger in spirit or real age and they prefer to go out at 10 pm (which is my bedtime these days) or do stuff that would require child services to knock on my door. I recently tried to say hello to my neighbors where I take daily walks and although a few of them say “hello” back, that’s as far as we got.
Yay for branching out!
When my kids were really young, I didn’t have many mom-friends either, and like you, the ones I had all worked (which was a problem for me, since I was at home with the girls). I met ALL- every single one- of my current (AWESOME) group of friends at ECFE classes. ECFE offers classes both during the day and in the evening, so I’d strongly encourage you to sign Ren up for one next fall. You’ll meet other local parents with a child Ren’s age…
Also, a good friend of mine that (used to) live in the Robbinsdale area joined a local MOM’s group and met a really great, supportive group of friends through that. She and her friends eventually dropped out of the MOM’s group and just had their own meet-ups…
Anyway, hope that’s helpful! I found that when I finally found some other like-minded moms to hang out with, motherhood was less overwhelming…
If it makes you feel any better, I am frequently inappropriate with my doctor. Prior to a minor surgery she asked if I could be pregnant…And instead of the simple no, I responded, “well I’m on birth control and have my period presently, so if I am, I’m housing the little fetus that could.” She mostly just looks at me like I’m crazy. She’s a doctor, she’s probably right.
Sometimes it seems to easy to stay at home, especially with a newborn, but like you, I’m trying my best to make friends with the neighbors and other moms! So, good job R! None of my close friends stay home, man, I wish they did! I’m really working on embracing my SAHM status.
I was trying to think of a time when I was inappropriate so that we could commiserate, but it happens so often I have to block it out as soon as it occurs or I would be too ashamed to ever leave the house. The thing is, sometimes I know that I will regret what I am about to say and then I say it anyway. I was worse when I was younger, but I assume that when I get really old I will be completely inappropriate all the time.
I think it’s totally bizarre that your friend wouldn’t watch anyone else’s kid. I would totally babysit for any of my friends if they asked. I’ve never done it, because none of them have asked, but I would. (Wait, why haven’t they asked? Now I’m worried they think I’d be a bad babysitter.)
I’m debating joining some type of mom’s group too, so I wish you luck and look forward to hearing about your experience. Like you, all of my friends work and are not in my neighborhood. I’ve also contemplated ECFE. I think I just need to bite the bullet and make a move already! Being social is good, for mom and child, so good luck to you!!