And the lucky winner is… #19. Jess of Du Wax Loolu, today is your lucky day! If you e-mail me your address (my contact info is over in the sidebar on the right), I will send you a present. I have no idea yet what the present will be, but I will try to come up with something good.
I went out to lunch today with a good friend, and I ordered a pancake and some hash browns. The pancake ending up being bigger than my head, and I got another separate plate filled with hash browns. I ate half the pancake and 3/4 of the hash browns. I was hungry. My friend called me later in the day to tell me that she had talked to her husband and told him what I ate for lunch, and they both thought it was really funny that I ate so much. WHAT THE FRICKING HECK? If you are going to make fun of me, at least make fun of me behind my back and don’t tell me about it later. Seriously, this is really hurting my feelings. I don’t know why I care; wait, yes, I do. It is because I think she is basically telling me that I am a big, fat pig. I JUST LIKE BREAKFAST FOOD, OK? I should have waited to have the contest until today and then asked you all to leave comments of mean things that I could say to her in response.
Anyway. Other than that. Want to hear about the baby shower from hell? Ok, I will tell you. So my friend got invited to a baby shower. Her friend, the pregnant lady, was having her second son in less than two years, and she decided to throw herself a baby shower. (Just to clarify: I met pregnant lady once, but I don’t really know her, and I was not invited to this shower.) Even though the pregnant lady had had a baby shower less than two years ago. The pregnant lady has decided to throw quite a party. First, everyone will meet up at one of those places where you can cook a bunch of meals to freeze. Everyone will then give the food they make to the pregnant lady so that she can freeze it and use it after the baby is born. Then everyone will get in the limo and go over to the baby store, where they will all buy presents for the pregnant lady off of her registry. Yes, pregnant lady will be at the store with them to help them decide what to buy her. No, I am not kidding. Then they will all get back in the limo and go out to dinner, where they will all give their presents to the pregnant lady. So the friends are expected to pay for (1) the meal preparation fees, (2) the limo, (3) the presents they will be forced to buy at the party, and (4) their own dinner, plus a share of the pregnant lady’s dinner.
My friend asks me if I think it is unreasonable that pregnant lady is asking all of her friends to do this? Umm… YES. I mean, you started losing me at the part where this is her second shower, but when you got to the part where you are REQUIRED to buy presents DURING THE PARTY, I was wondering why anyone is friends with pregnant lady. My friend is way too nice, so she called pregnant lady and said that she could go to the meal prep part, but she couldn’t go to the store or out to dinner. The pregnant lady said that not attending was not an option. My friend said, no, she really already had other plans that night, and could only go to the meal prep part. The pregnant lady said, “[Friend], you should talk this over with your husband. He knows best, and he will tell you that you need to come to the whole shower.” What???? She needs permission from her husband to be excused from the party? Why would her husband tell her that she needed to go to this ridiculous shower? I do not understand that part of the story. For some reason, my friend did talk to her husband, and her husband told her that she shouldn’t go to any of the shower because it was ridiculous. My friend called the pregnant lady back and left a message saying that she wasn’t going to go to any of the shower. My friend then sent a small present to pregnant lady in the mail, but she hasn’t received a thank you note or heard a single word from pregnant lady since. It has been several months. I think my friend is better off without being “friends” with the lunatic pregnant lady, but I am apparently friends with people who think I am a big, fat pig, so what the hell do I know.
[I closed the comments because I have moved on. I do sincerely appreciate all the comments though!]
Ok, that ended up being a really huge paragraph. Whoa.
If anyone knows how to get rid of those stupid possibly related posts, please let me know.
OH MY GOD. PREGNANT LADY IS INSANE. Seriously, that is the worst thing I’ve ever heard related to wedding/baby showers. And I’ve heard some doozies. I would absolutely NOT participate in that.
And dude, this is the third contest I’ve seen Jess win (including my own). LUCKY.
I have heard my share of baby shower horror stories but this, this is in its own league of tacky. I have a slew of snarky comments about this party but the most pressing thing on my mind is: They have places where you can make food just to freeze? What the –? Have they found their way into the Top Chef kitchen?
Wow. This gives me a whole bunch of ideas if I ever get preggers. First, we’ll rent a space shuttle. Then, while we’re floating in zero gravity, I will have my party guests unwrap the presents they brought me and float them over to me. Once we get there I will have caterers waiting with boxes of astronaut ice cream for me to eat once my kid is born. Then my guests will build me a house on the moon.
Boo to your friend who called to tell you her husband thought it was funny you ate so much. If she wants to share something like that, MAYBE say it was funny that you ate breakfast for lunch (but it’s not funny, because I would do that, too).
The baby shower friend…Come ON. I just posted recently about thinking it was silly to have a registry for a second child, not to mention something that elaborate – Planned by the mother to be. I would not go.
This entire post fills me with RAGE!
A)You don’t comment on what people eat or don’t eat, EVER, and clearly your FRIEND is the one obsessed with food if she felt so strongly that she needed to mention it to her HUSBAND.
B)I could EASILY eat an entire plate-sized pancake, plus hash browns, IN MY SLEEP and I would NOT feel bad AT ALL. Also, I would add a side of HAM.
C)That is the most insane, horrifying shower story I have ever heard in all of my life.
RAGE!
You didn’t eat very much at all. Its certainly not a two pound burger!
Oh my God! That is insane!
Yeah, I’d be pissed about the food thing too. It’s not cool to make fun of people behind their back and THEN tell them about it later. Mean.
And what the hell is wrong with pregnant lady? If I were your friend, I’d be all, “Well, I talked to my husband and he says you’re a total wackadoo, and like you said, he knows best.”
Congrats to Jess! Three contests? Jess, could I talk you into blowing some of that luck onto my Mega Millions ticket?
As for the other two women…
The first is a bit thoughtless. Some people just don’t get that someone might take offense at that kind of comment. I’d not make a huge issue of it, but maybe work a few comments into future conversations to hint that I didn’t appreciate it.
The second is beyond tacky. I hope it clued most of her friends in to what kind of person she really is and she gets the clue when they stop wanting to associate with her.
First off, thanks for the GREAT shower idea! I will totally throw this for myself and tell my friends they are off the hook!
JUST KIDDING. How tacky!
Once I was invited to a wedding….they were already married at the JOP but then were having a reception/back yard bbq and the invitation said:
Bring a dish to pass
Bring a chair to sit in
We are registerred at the following: (where ever that was)
I was like WHAT? So basically like the baby shower.
Second, who cares if you ate that much…..but how dumb is that girl for pointing it out? DUMB!
Wow. I’ve heard (and seen) some pretty ridiculous, self-centered behavior, but Pregnant Lady really takes the cake. I kind of like the idea of having a shower for each baby because I refuse to accept that showers are really just about presents (I thought they were actually about celebrating a new baby, but my mom assures me I’ve very wrong and they’re all about loot), but that is simply insane. Your friend is super gracious for still sending a small gift.
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. I wish the pregnant lady had a blog so I could go and read her version of events–I’m sure it would be hilarious. Who the hell does that? It’s OBNOXIOUS!
PS) Do you want to come over for a giant pancake?
Pregnant Lady sounds like a self-centered awful person. I hope for your friend’s sake that the whole ordeal is just the pregnancy hormones talking and that she’s not always like that. Cause putting something like that together for YOURSELF? Just who in the hell do you think you are. Ugh.
And your lunch friend? Even if you’re not sensitive about your weight, that would be upsetting. Bitch.
I don’t really understand – you ate half of ONE pancake and not even a whole order of hash browns? And that is a lot? It might be a different story if you ate an entire pizza or, say, 20 pancakes, but what you ate doesn’t sound like a lot to me. Besides, you are thin, and healthy, so why does your friend feel like it is OK to make comments like that? That’s annoying.
Oh, and Hell to the NO on that crazy pregnant lady. You didn’t have to go any farther than ’second shower’ for me to be annoyed, but all the other stuff just puts it way over the top. Grrr.
Tessie pretty much nailed it! (Except I would add a side of bacon, instead of ham). I am firmly in the camp that you NEVER comment on how much anyone else is eating/able to eat, and the way she did it is absolutely infuriating.
And I’ve never heard of ANYTHING so tacky as the pregnant lady’s shower.
I think both of them need a good punch in the face.
I would choose to no longer be friends with crazy greedy pregnant lady. Now excuse me while I go plan my next birthday party. I’ve got some ideas…
You only ate half the pancake? I think that shows remarkable restraint. I work with a really skinny woman (you know–one of those with a freakish metabolism who is always talking about how she’s “trying” to gain weight) and she has a habit, when we all go out to lunch somewhere, of saying, loudly and repeatedly, “Oh my god, these portions are huge. I could never eat all this. How could anybody eat all this?” Which is REALLY infuriating to those of us who fully plan to eat the whole thing. And then order dessert. And I always want to say “well, maybe if you ate the whole thing you’d gain that weight you’ve been talking about.” But I don’t. Because I have SOME class.
Pregnant Lady is insane and selfish and why does she have ANY friends? I can’t believe the shower idea! It’s absurd! Even if this was a first baby, it’s over the top. Ridiculous. I think it’s time for your friend to de-friend her.
Or no, she should keep her. Because this is seriously good blog fodder!
Also, why do people feel the need to discuss how much you ate and tell you about it? I worked with a guy who once said to me “Wow! You eat a lot for a girl.” Shutup!
Ooh; look at the fancy little squares beside everybody’s name. I wonder what MINE will look like!
OK, planning a shower like that FOR YOURSELF would be absurd and ridiculous even if it was a first baby, but a SECOND?? I am stunned. I keep hoping it was some elaborate joke… Like, if your friend had gone, she would have found out that the pregnant lady was actually buying all of the guests presents, or their was a camera crew filming some sort of Punk’d thing. But no, probably not. The woman is probably just a selfish lunatic.
Also, I am cracking up over NPW’s shower plan.
This is absolutely INCREDIBLE. wow. I have no other response. Who would do such a thing? (In both stories, actually.)
I had a friend once who, when she had a baby, some church ladies threw her a shower. About seven of the guests all went in on a big baby bassinet thingy for her – and my friend complained the ENTIRE drive home about how cheap those women were. I was a little miffed – I guess I’m just from the old-school line of thinking that if your friends are willing to throw you a shower at all, you should be grateful. But what do I know.
Your story, however, takes the cake. (Cake that I would eat as a side item, and also the pancake and hash browns and bacon.)
I’m new to your blog…Hi!
Pregnant Lady is screwed up! I am in awe of the nerve she has to order her friends to do something like that.
Go to your dashboard, click on “Design” and then click on “Extras.” Click the box that says, “Hide related links on this blog, which means this blog won’t show up on other’s blogs or get traffic that way” Cause, yeah, wow, have I NOT had a traffic explosion since they started doing the stupid related posts bullshit.
OK, Pregnant Lady is INSANE and your friend should not be friends with her, period. Throwing yourself your own shower is already crazy… not to mention that it is her second kid and all of her other nutso requirements.
Although, I do think that going to one of those meal prep places could be a cool celebration for a second/subsequent baby where the parents have a lot of the baby stuff and may be overwhelmed with two kids. But, you know, if SOMEONE ELSE threw the shower and guests weren’t expected to bring gifts and spend money on 80,000 other activities.
I just saw Stara’s comment and sat there being like, Ummmm, what the hell was the third contest? Because I only remembered hers. But then I remembered that I won someone else’s pay it forward contest that involved unhealthy baked goods and I told them to pass the prize on to someone else because I shouldn’t be eating unhealthy food and also I was seriously unlikely to bake my own unhealthy food to send on. So yeah, I guess I have won three contests. MY GOD.
Anyway, I guess this means I have to have a contest on my own blog? Oh dear.
Oh and also, about your actual post: WHAT THE FUCK. NOT OKAY. Also, it doesn’t sound like you ate THAT much. Your friend probably meant her comment affectionately. I hope.
I’m visiting here on a referral from Tessie and wow, pregnant woman is insane. The shower she is planning for herself is about 10x more elaborate and expensive than the one baby shower I had or the ones I’ve attended.
Also, I used to work with a woman who felt compelled to inform everyone around her about the calorie and/or fat content in whatever they were eating. It was like take your food issues elsewhere lady, I love calories and fat so bite me. I would totally have eaten at least what you had and a side of sausage or bacon – you need protein to balance the meal out…
By no means are you a big fat pig…but I understand me saying this, doesnt make it better so I will say hey, you ate something you love, if it is used for someones jokes…you still ate good.
As to the friend and the babyshower…that is wrong on so many levels of wrong. Cooking the food, shopping during the shower, and then the craziness of asking the hubby BECAUSE he knows best??? WTH??? Say it aint so… I think I read in Dear Abby on day about a shower where the showeree (?) made the guest fill out their own thank you cards…like ‘Dear So and So’….thank you so much for blankety blankety blankety. We enjoy it so much! Signed Guest. How crazy is that?
That baby shower is…
I mean I just…
What kind of person…
I really just…
Huh. Wow.
Hi, Tessie lead me this way.
I am stammering at how ridiculous the pregnant lady is. I would’ve left a message of “I talked to my husband and he said not to come to the shower at all because you are BAT SHIT CRAZY”.
I love breakfast food too. I also brag about eating TWO creme brulee’s after a huge dinner one time because they were so good. Go you with eating that much!
I came over via Tessie and now I’m fuming. WTF. I started out annoyed about the food thing but now I’m equally livid over the entitled baby-shower-self-thrower. Ok, that’s some bad wording but I’m MAD DAMMIT. WTFityFF? Who CARES what someone eats and who discusses it with someone else and then REPORTS BACK? A FOOD NAZI, that’s who. UGH.
And that masturbatory shower thrower (she’s doing it to herself, right? hee!) has really burned my toast! (Hey! A FOOD REFERENCE! Call your friend!) How she has managed to cow her friends into participating in this charade slays me.
BAH. I’m all aggravated now! I’m sweating! Damn Tessie!
Dude. About the food thing? My friend and I, deciding to avoid the insane rush hour traffic associated with snowstorms, decided to partake in happy hour at a local “Irish” pub. We ordered a round of drinks and three appetizers to share. Our waiter made snarky comments ALL EVENING. “Oh, is this all for you guys?” “Wow, you guys must be really hungry!” “Ladies, good job on clearing the plates!”
Seriously. STFU. What business is it of his how much we eat so long as we pay our bill? That’s the one and only time I’ve left a restaurant without leaving a tip. I wish I’d had the courage to tell him he was an insensitive prick and that making diners feel like fat pigs is not a good way to get tips.
Also, I really want pancakes and hash browns now. With some bacon. And I bet you I’d clear my plate.
OK, I came over here riding the wave of Tessie’s anger about the food thing, which can I add to the chorus of how FUCKED UP and RUDE that was? It would have been bad enough to have said it to your face, at the breakfast, but that she was still thinking about it all those hours later? And call me a fat pig, because I probably would have cleaned both plates. And had a side of bacon and a fruit cup. No offense, but your friend is an asshat.
BUT, BUT! This baby shower! My God! For a second child, ESPECIALLY a second of the same gender? She’d be lucky to get a few meals and a hand me down double stroller. AND BYE GLAD OF IT. Honestly. And considering preggo’s snotty princess-y attitude towards your friend, I think your friend should bail altogether. What an ungrateful little twit (since I don’t know you, I cleaned up my language just in case.)
Thanks for the healthy dose of righteous indignation!!
I came over from Tessie’s and my mouth is wide open—first because of the pancake comment, but that baby shower??? OH MY GOD!! That lady has a lot of nerve!!
Okay, as you know, I am myself a pregnant lady, and like this tactless ho, I too am pregnant for the second time. UNLIKE the tactless ho, I would NEVER in a million years impose such requests on my so-called friends. The sense of entitlement she obviously feels is maddening. If you must go, buy her a Big Mac for the meal freezing portion of the blessed event, and like, a tube of Desitin at the gift buying part and call it a day. Because, really, WTF?
I clicked over from Tessie’s to comment about the eating comment, but now I forgot what I was going to say because I am DUMBSTRUCK at CRAZY ASS SELFISH PREGNANT LADY. Wow. That is some pathological self centeredness if you ask me.
Also, people love to comment at work about how much I eat. (Admittedly I do eat a lot.) When someone brings in treats to the office, I am usually first in line for a huge helping of whatever (Also, I’m not picky). Most of the time, I really don’t care. But sometimes I get feeling self conscious. I’m like, “GET OFF ME CO-WORKERS. Go count your own damn calories.” And sometimes I actually say that out loud. They think it’s funny. They shut it. It’s all good.
Okay, first time commenter here. Tessie already exopanded upon the eating issue, which i will agree is, well, effing ridiculous!
My BIG hot button here is OMFG – I don’t care if it is your sencond, third, or FIRST baby – you do NOT NOT NOT EVER EVER plan a shower for yourself. Not a baby shower, not a bridal shower, not any type of party where people feel obligated to bring you a gift. That is the epitome of selfish, greedy, and RUDE! Technically, not even your mother or blood-relative sisters are supposed to plan showers for you. I try to let that slide a little, but really – a shower for yourself???? I can NOT get over this!
Holy crap! Get me that woman’s address – Im sending her a copy of the Emily Post Ettiquette for Everyday. Ill be highlighting and flagging some pages for her!
Hi. I’m here from Tessie’s blog. OMG, I am sorry to say that your “friend” does not sound too much like a friend right now. Is this something you suspected or a new development?
Also the pregnant lady is SO crazy. I was invited to a shower for a person who has two boys 12 months exactly apart. It was like having a baby shower every six months. I mean what do you really need if you just had a boy like yesterday? So selfish! But, good story!
OMG that is the most appalling thing I’ve ever heard of.
Also, people constantly comment on how much food I can put away, and it always hurts my feelings. I don’t know why.
WOWOWOWOOWOW, all of this is too much. The eating thing? Completely inappropriate. The shower? Well, I’m not Emily Post or anything, but besides it being her 2nd shower in less than 2 years, YOU DON’T GET TO THROW YOURSELF A SHOWER. PERIOD. EVER. THE END.
The only way I can think that this would be ok is if pregnant lady wanted to celebrate the end of her pregnancy, so she invited some friends to a manicure/dinner. And she treated. Or at least, treated for the manicure. Ya know? I’ve never ever ever ever heard of someone taking her shower to the store to buy gifts.
Wow, that’s the worst “party” I’ve ever heard. And her response is even worse!
Okay, the baby shower thing is a JOKE, right? It has to be. I have never heard of something so completely ridiculous IN MY LIFE. Except maybe calling someone to say what a big laugh was shared over what that someone ate for lunch. Which, really? Is there ANYONE who doesn’t eat half a dozen normal-sized pancakes in a sitting? With bacon. Just me? Okay, then, at least three? Which has to be more than half of one the size of your head. Unless you have a REALLY BIG HEAD. Do you? Besides which, who really cares anyway? How much you ate OR how big your head is.
Oh, and also? This is only the second time I’ve ever seen Jess say “fuck.” Which for some reason amuses me. I guess because it seems so incongruous with her calm collected sweetness.
That is so hilarious, in every possible way. First of all the, party is RIDICULOUS. No one should go to it. Or should have gone, I guess, since it’s already over.
Also, your friend thinking you ate a lot of breakfast food was funny too, maybe she eats a lot and her husband gives her a hard time about it and so she thought you would think it was funny? Like, hey, we both eat a lot, yay, we’re in the eat-a-lot-of-breakfast-food club!
The pregnant woman has obviously been turned dilusional by the hormones.
And, I love pancakes. L O V E. I would told MY friend to shut her face…but my friends and I are like that.
OHHHH, you have spurned me on to another peeve, which I think I will blog about on my post tonight. People just don’t have a CLUE to what is polite and what is RUDE anymore. No boundries=big trouble. P.S. I hate her husband (your rude friend’s) too today, the moron.
I’ve just come from Tessie’s. You need new friends! And your friend needs new friends too. I’d have gotten link sausages to go with the pancakes and hashbrowns, and I would have demanded real maple syrup, not that corn syrup crap or whatever it is. And the pregnant lady? What a scam. Oh! I know! I’m having a birthday party and you all come to the WINE store with me and pick out some wine for me–none of that cheap stuff. Then we’re all going to take a stretch hummer limo (which you all will pay for) over to the airport where you’ve chartered a plane for me, and we’re all going to Paris!