Today’s post is part of the Blog Share. It was written by an anonymous blogger, and I have contributed an anonymous post out there somewhere on the internet as well. Enjoy the following post from my guest contributor. Links to the other Blog Share participants’ blogs are included in the post below this one.
Random Confessions of an Anonymous Blogger
* I used to be a registered Republican. (Gasp!) I couldn’t help it–I was young, and born to a Republican family. I might have once voted for men named Reagan and Bush. (Not Dubya, of course–I had wised up by then.) I say “might” because I don’t actually remember doing so, but I might have just blocked it. Or I might have failed to vote, as I wasn’t all that political back then. Or I might have voted, but don’t remember doing so, as I did a lot of drinking in those days. Yeah, that’s it–I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing.
* One summer, when it came time to choose “buddies” for Girl Scout camp, I agreed to buddy up with my friend C. My “best” friend, M, insisted that we had, during camp the previous summer, agreed to be camp buddies for eternity. (I’m not sure if there was pinky swearing involved.) I pretended not to remember that, although I kinda sorta did, and it looked like she would be assigned a random buddy. Karma paid me back, though, when my mother refused to let me attend camp at all, due to a run-in with some particularly ferocious mosquitoes right before we were due to leave. (I had huge welts all over my body, and she knew I couldn’t be trusted to apply repellent diligently on my own.) So M and C attended up attending camp together, and I stayed home. That’ll teach me to break a pinky swear.
* I used to think Danny Bonaduce was sort of hot, in an “I hate myself for this” kind of way.
* I once unintentionally had an affair with a married man. I say “unintentionally” instead of “accidentally,” because I did actually know he was married. And I resisted (despite his intense pursuit) for a very long time. But I believed his whole “we’re only together because of the kids and I’m leaving her any day now” shtick, and I was young and stupid and in a very vulnerable place, and blah blah blah, I never should have done it, I was “rewarded” very harshly by the universe and I will NEVER DO IT AGAIN. (And neither should any of you, by the way. SO not worth it.)
* I watched “Flavor of Love” 1 AND 2. But not all of 3. (Don’t judge me!)
* Years ago, a very nice guy asked me out, and I turned him down. I told myself it was because he was an enormous football-playing dude, and I was used to less athletic and more artistic guys, and I make myself believe that’s true. But a teeny part of me wonders if it was also due to the fact that he was black, and I grew up in a small-town that wasn’t quite over its racism. At any rate, he asked me out again a few years later, and I said yes. (It didn’t work out, sadly, but I followed him with a black basketball player and THEN a black baseball player, so apparently I got over whatEVER my hang-up was. Hee.)
* I can eat an ENTIRE Chipotle/Qdoba burrito. Plus chips. Nobody eats the whole thing, ever! (I feel like crap afterward, for the record. But they’re no good left over.)
* I think I am very easy to like. And very hard to love.
* I am completely incapable of working without having at least one internet window open. My boss doesn’t really care, so I don’t know why I’m confessing this, but I feel like I should feel bad. Though I don’t. So then I feel bad that I don’t feel bad! It’s a vicious cycle. I have to comfort myself afterward with some cuteoverload.com. Look–paws up! Ear-to-head ratio! Awwww….
* If you asked me, I would tell you that I have absolutely no desire to be one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends, and that I would die rather than live, as a GROWN WOMAN, in a fluffy pink bedroom more perfectly suited to an 8-year-old. But my subconscious must have a slightly differing opinion, as I have more than once dreamt about the Girls Next Door. And I’m there with them in the mansion. Chattering with Bridget, dishing with Holly, trying to ignore Kendra. Hef makes only token appearances, fortunately. This is NOT a sex dream! I don’t get it. Maybe I just wish I could live in a mansion and have no bills.
* I almost never talk to my siblings. And we get along fine, we just don’t…communicate regularly. I feel kind of bad when I see how close other people are to their siblings, but I don’t do anything to change the dynamic. Isn’t that sad?
* I’m kind of freaked out by people with bad teeth. I feel like I can’t stop staring at their bad teeth, and so I look anywhere BUT their mouth, and then I get all self-conscious, and start imagining that they KNOW I’m trying not to stare at their teeth, and then I feel bad, because maybe they just can’t afford dental work, but then I think toothpaste and floss are CHEAP–do you FLOSS, for pete’s sake?! How could you let your teeth get that way? And you’re smoking, for cryin’ out loud–give up the cigs and use that money for dentistry! Don’t make the world look at your bad teeth! And then my head explodes. And I want to send my parents a thank-you note for the orthodonture.
* In college, one of my roommates and I supplied our flatware and glassware needs by swiping cheap silverware, salt and pepper shakers and beer mugs from local restaurants and bars. In our defense, we never took anything of real value. On the other hand–little thieves! Stealing is bad. I would like to say I’m completely reformed, but fairly recently I allowed my (rather large) purse to be used as the get-away conveyance for a beautiful multi-colored martini glass from a restaurant/bar. Of course, in our defense, those things get broken all the time, and I’m sure they’re not really expensive (the drink that came in it sure was, though). On the other hand–thieves! It seems I’m incorrigible. (As a side note, though, I’ve never shoplifted from an actual store. Only from bars and restaurants. Apparently I have standards of some sort.)
* One of my co-workers leaves her dirty lunch dishes in the communal sink for days. It is absolutely disgusting. They just sit there, all nasty and greasy and half-filled with tepid soapy water. I try to ignore them, but I usually end up washing them for her. Enabler! (I can only imagine what her own kitchen looks like.)
* I have the most wonderful and supportive parents ever. And I wish I had actually really made something of myself, so they could be prouder of me. They would be horrified to hear me say that, that’s just how supportive they are. Which makes me feel even worse about possibly disappointing them. I didn’t even have the courtesy to provide them with grandchildren! What a loser.
* I am lonely.
* My life is currently exhausting me.
* Even my confessions are boring.
None of these “confessions” are exactly earth-shattering, obviously, and I could probably post most of them on my own blog without fear of repercussion, but it feels good to purge them all, stream-of-consciousness style. Thanks for letting me purge.
